Are You Strong Enough to Forgive Your Ex? Family Articles | May 18 Authentic Ed Oliver Jersey , 2008
Four practical tips from Divorced Dad, Len Stauffenger, for putting out the fire of emotions caused from divorce and putting your kids' welfare first.

When the evil spectre of divorce darkens the doorway of your life, it hurts. You become emotionally fragile and want to push this horror away. You think your ex is more to blame than you are and you'd be perfectly okay if heshe hurt as much as you are hurting now. After all Authentic Zay Jones Jersey , it's his fault!

It's a basic truth that it took both of you to create this divorce. Regardless of who is to blame for the divorce, you are one of that partnership and you're in this specific experience for your own good. I'm going to share with you a few ideas about how to glean that good from all the goop.

Lots of our spiritual leaders have told us to forgive and forget. Sounds great, but how do we do this with all those raging emotions caroming around inside of us? Through choice, deliberateness Authentic Tre'Davious White Jersey , putting our children first on the list, and being introspective.

Choice. You always have a choice in your life. You can live it awash with emotion, or you can choose something different. Taking a deep breath is one choice. Tell your kids that you are working hard to control your emotions. Don't forget: you are their role model. You can have a few moments of silence to recover your equilibrium, and then you can choose to deliberately be calm at that very moment.

Deliberateness. Is it possible your ex will do thing deliberately to stir you up? It's possible. Can you do anything about their actions? You can not. You can control your actions Authentic Tremaine Edmunds Jersey , so decide here and now to think something specific the next time he or she tries to get your goat. How about this: I am centered in my own truth and the lies that come at me fall away harmless without my emotional reaction. Or create one of your own. "I know you are but what am I?" won't work, so you'll have to dig deep and come up with something that will work for you.

Put Your Children First on the List. You want to set an exemplary example for your children. If your emotions are not in control, that's what you are teaching them. If you gossip about your ex in front of them, that's what you are teaching them. If you keep an undisciplined environment Authentic Josh Allen Jersey , that's what you are teaching them. If you are unforgiving and you refuse to forget what's happened in the past, that's what you are teaching them.

Forgiveness can be easy. You simply say the words "I forgive you." You follow those words with a good reason for why you forgive them. "You must be in a world of hurt yourself to say something so hurtful to me. You must be ignorant of how hurtful those words are to me. You must be awash in emotions yourself to lash out so." You are forgiving and you are giving a reasonable excuse for his behavior to yourself so that you can let go of it. Drop it and move on with your life. Forgiveness is for giving yourself your own next best thing. What a wonderful thing to teach to your children.

Forgetting can be just as easy. In order to forget, you have to think an alternative to what you're trying to let go of. If I said "Don't do something" that's precisely the thing you will think about. Don't think about blue whales. It's there, isn't is? Replace it with another idea: tall giraffes? For getting your next great idea in place of the emotionally-burdened one Authentic Jim Kelly Jersey , just put another good idea in it's place. And then put a guard at the door to your thinking with orders not to let in any purple elephants! You can ease your children into their maturity with these techniques.

Become Introspective. Going within for a few moments when you've got some quiet time can be so beneficial for both you and your children. I came to cherish that last hour of the day when I was alone with my coffee, a book, the TV or just with my journal. It's a great way to sort through the elements of the day, give yourself some distance emotionally from them so that you can decide specifically how you want to handle it the next time. This could be a great time to read a few paragraphs from an inspirational book and think about how they apply to you. Just a few moments can grace you with much needed objectivity during your parenting years.

You could continue to seek for revenge Dawson Knox Jersey , to blame your ex, to nurse your hurt behind drugs or alcohol, or, you could admit that you also played a role; that it does take two to tango. You can get honest and prevent a second divorce through the exercise of forgiveness. It's good for your kids if you do.

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Self-Sabotaged by Research

A woman in my MasterMind group posed a question today: why did she spend all her time doing research and never actually go on with "doing" the thing she was researching? She loved looking up information, finding resources, interviewing people, gathering facts. But taking these facts and applying them to her business seemed to always be put on the back burner.

It's called "analysis paralysis". The idea is this: if I could just gather this information Cody Ford Jersey , if I could just find this fact, if I could make this list a bit longer -- you get the drift.

The cause is simple: it's easier for many people to research than to "do" because gathering research is often a successful task, while acting on the research is fraught with the possibility of failure, stress Ed Oliver Jersey , or pressure. So we stay in the research mode because it's safe and we get a lot of positive feelings about having uncovered the information we need.

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